day off

I can’t remember the last time I had a day off during the week and I’m so excited that I’m not sitting in my chair waiting on or waiting for customers to come in today. *YAY* The down side though is that I have about a million things on my mind that I could do today and at the same time Ir eally just want to do nothing and enjoy being in our new house. I’m working on making a plant hanger, so I could finish that. Or I have a future pair of shorts cut out and laying next to the sewing machine that I could work on.  Or I could organize, clean, relax, blog, sleep, read, cook, bake… anything! No matter what I choose to do though I know the day will go by all too quickly and before I know it we will be laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep so that we can get up to face another boring day of work. It’s kind of sad that life has become fatalastic in a way for me. When I’m at work I crave 5pm when I get to leave and go home. Then the evenings go so fast and from the moment I walk in the door I know that in the blink of an eye I will be getting ready for bed and then waking up to another day of work. So fatalistic and boring. Where is the adventure? Where is the hope and the passion? I lost it somewhere in the boring world of working a 8-5 job. Maybe I should take those classes at the community college. I was thinking about taking an online accounting class and trying to learn how to do taxes and personal finance. It’s like once you get out of high school you have a one shot chance at choosing the right major and if you choose one (like psychology for example) that won’t provide you with a good job when you get out, you are pretty much screwed. So maybe my skills would be better put to use with accounting. Either way it would be fun to learn something new. Even though my job would still be painfully boring, I could at least be engaging my mind in some way.

*mjh*

monotony

It’s getting to that time in the evening where I think about going to bed but I really don’t want to yet. The logical side of me knows that I need to go to bed within the next hour to get a decent amount of sleep and to be well rested for my work day. But the “rebel”/procrastinating side of me wants to stay up late to avoid going to bed and to avoid getting up to face tomorrow. A part of me actually thinks that I can delay tomorrow coming if I stay up later or sleep in later than I should. I really don’t understand the logic of it. Like I said, my logical side knows that I should opt for the path that would give me the most rest. Either way it doesn’t really matter because tomorrow is going to come and I’m going to have to face the pathetic work day that awaits me. The most exciting part of my day will be counting the money for shipment and that’s it. At least it gets me away from the boring teller line. Either I spend my day busily waiting on customers or waiting on them to come into the branch to give me something to do. Neither of these really occupy my mind. Waiting tables at my last job was more entertaining and thought provoking. At least as a server I was able to use my mind to multi-task and to figure out how to serve the most customers in the least amount of time. Every experience and every person was different. At the branch each transaction is the same monotonous crap as the last. It’s so boring I can hardly stand it. Today one of my coworkers was talking down to me, as if she was better than I was. She’s much older and definitely within 10 years of retirement and all her life has amounted to is to be a teller behind the line. That’s it! I aspire for so much more in my life than to be that. How dare she look down upon me! It makes me sick that she thinks she is better than me. Sometimes I feel like I was destined to be a writer or famous philosopher of some sort. My mind was created to be used and stretched, not dulled by monotony. I loved college. Even though I was a slacker for a good part of it, I still felt like I learned a lot. I don’t think I was really a slacker in college as much as I  just never felt challenged to really develop myself. The only two classes I really felt challenged in were the History of Philosophy and my Incarceration class. Philosophy was a graduate level class that required in depth reports once a week. They were long and detailed and he graded very strictly. I still can’t believe I received a B in that class, I really thought it was going to be less than that! Incarceration made me deal with past demons, which definitely stretched me.

Believe me, I really am not this concieted. Actually I have a great deal of compassion for people. Daily I put my job at risk by going against company policy to help the customers becuase I can identify with their plight. I can identify with how hard life can be sometimes and if I get the chance to make their day a little bit better by giving them free checks or by making funds available in their account then I will do that. Because I believe that we have to do what is right by God and what is right by others like us, not what is right by corporations and wall street. If I would get fired for doing something where my full intention was to help someone out, then that’s fine by me. I deserve to work for a company that is small enough to care about the little guy. And by the little guy I don’t mean the person that’s been living off of wellfare his whole life and is a bum. By saying the little guy I mean the person that goes to work every day and is still struggling to make it. They are living paycheck to paycheck and can’t simply wait another day to have their money available to them. Why in the world would someone want to have a checking account where you deposit your paycheck and even though your mortgage is coming out the same day, they will not let the funds be available until the next day. That results in your mortgage check being bounced and fees from both companies. RIDICULOUS! Why don’t people just go back to using cash where that’s not a problem. At least right now the dollar is legal tender in the United States (whether it can withstand this economic hurricane we are going through is another topic to be discussed) and there’s no chance of it not going through and being bounced and you being feed out your butt to the point where you can never recover.

Hello world!

I have been looking for a new venue to do some blogging for quite some time now. I need a fresh slate to write on where no one in my “real” world can find me, a place to vent and cry or to express my opinions. Hopefully I will be a little more dedicated about keeping up with this blog.

It’s always difficult for me to chose a screenname that I have never used before. No regrets reflects how I am trying to live my life right now. The past is in the past and I can’t regret things that have happened. Instead I’m working on learning from those experiences and using them to better my future. I guess you could say that I’m learning how to not make the same mistake twice.

So this will be my way of exploring those things of the past that I’m trying to learn from but not repeat. It’s going to be a journey, a long road. Are you with me? Are you ready for it?

*mjh*